For
the breaker:
As a man, do
not come back for break-up sex when you are feeling lonely, doubtful of your
decision, bored or horny. It cheapens you and makes her really foggy as to what
you really want.
Be clear as
to your decision to end the relationship and stick to it. Do not, under any
circumstances, string her along when you are feeling unsure. It hurts her…it is
unfair and will cause lasting resentments. She wants to be with you so she will
overlook these inconsistencies in the earnest desire to be with you.
Do not
emotionally boycott by not returning her calls, standing her up or being
wishy-washy as to your feelings so she is left to do the dirty deed because you
are too cowardly to do it yourself.
Break up with
her in a private place where she is able to process what is going on rather
than in public (like the mall, the office, or public transit) where she may run
into someone she knows in an emotionally raw and vulnerable state. Give her a
chance to be messy in private.
Do not break
up with her on Facebook, Twitter, email or post-it notes. Yes, it sucks to have
to stare your love in the eyes and tell her that you are not interested in her
anymore. However, it is cowardly to do it any other way. Give her the chance to
respond to you. It sucks to see her cry but it is worse than opening up an
email from your beloved to find out that your relationship is no longer. You
owe her that respect.
For the breakee
Give yourself
a set amount of time to mourn the loss of the relationship and actually use
that time. Men often emotionally bi-pass difficult experiences by delving into
another relationship, indulging in unhealthy behaviors, or simply pushing
painful emotions down. In my wellness
practice, I always say, better out than in. Get it out, brother. It will make you healthier in the long run.
Talk to your
friends, a therapist, or a brother about what you are feeling. Broken hearts
hurt and it takes time, energy, and acceptance to get to the place of healing.
Breaking up is like coming off of hard drugs without any methadone. Find
someone to talk with it about in order to help make it easier.
See your part
in the relationship and forgive yourself for all that you contributed to create
that unhealthy dynamic. We are all human beings, trying to be the best we can be,
with limited tools. Be gentle on yourself. The lessons will come.
Get rid of
everything in your house that reminds you of her. Change your furniture around. Get a new haircut. Throw out stuff that no longer serves you.
This is a new time in your life and it is important to mark that occasion by
releasing all the things that you do not use, are broken, or are out of date.
Make space for the new.
The only thing that I can guarantee
is that everything changes. Whether you are deeply in love or nursing a
shattered heart, all things will change. Be in the present moment and accept the
gifts that are presently in your life. Be open to the wonders that are around
you and trust, trust, trust that everything is happening for your greatest
good. I believe that the universe is conspiring to make your life a happy one
and sometimes that happiness comes with a few bumps (lessons) in the road. Be
gentle. Love with an open heart. Trust life and don’t worry.