Man On Top - Modern Masculinity

          The times, they are a’ changing for men and modern masculinity. From media’s supposition that men are buffoons or predators, to the reports that boys are dropping out from school on mass, to men’s debilitating fear that they are loosing their quintessential masculine traits because they don’t hunt, fight or go to war like their grandfathers did,  men now are left to figure a lot out on their own. So, some guys are getting waxed, quaffed and manicured, some dudes are learning how to build stuff from scratch, while other brothers are just lonely, sitting in their basements masturbating to online porn.  

            Through my own, uh, experience with the opposite sex, I had my own fair share of disappointments and near murderous encounters to try to understand, love and live with men. All of that provided me with a great deal of ammunition and research as to the trends concerning modern men, gender roles and simple ways to adjust behaviour in order for men to stand tall, be proud and to start consciously living their dreams.

What are men to do?

            And that is what has lead me to here, to a blog, a website, and a book all trying to support men in achieving more meaning and happiness in their own lives, more balance in their relationships and a return to a by-gone era where men were strong, powerful protectors and providers, now with a modern flair.

            Here is the thing, when my girlfriends and cheesy rom-com movies say that men are womanizers, lecherous beasts, manipulators or worse, I always believed two things; that 1) men are simply misunderstood by women and 2) that I genuinely love men. I love the way they smell, their ingenuity, their wicked sex appeal that leaves me weak in the knees. I see that men are struggling to understand where they fit in the world when feminism has left a lot of men without power or purpose. I see men trying to adapt to a whole new set of responsibilities in parenting and domestic duties where previously, that was strictly regarded as women’s work. I see that there a lot of men who are adapting and changing but may not have the in-set support network to guide them through the process. That can be a pretty lonely, humbling process.

What the ladies think

            I believe in your strength and ability. As a woman, I don’t want to have another tequila-fuelled, tear-soaked evening with my girlfriends about how another man did her wrong. I think that with some simple codes of conduct, a little insight as to how our lady minds work and a healthy dose of integrity, kindness and compassion, we can all work to make this world more loving for all of us to live in and celebrate our true masculine and true feminine natures.

A Village of Solidarity

            My desire in writing this blog is to help to form a community of conscious men who are looking to stand side by side with their brothers and “be all they can be”.

            In the weeks that follow, you will find questions and surveys that help to get a better idea of what other men are thinking and doing in today’s changing world. You will find snippets from my book, Man on Top, and the occasional article that will seek to inspire, enlighten, tickle you to move.

            I look forward to your questions and comments. Know I am on your side, here to help you in any way I can, like a big older sister who loves her Bro, and wants to guide him with some essentials on life. Giddy up cowboy, its time to ride.

Men and Emotions - Big Boys Do Cry

          The rules of what is socially acceptable for men and masculinity are radically changing. As such, men are more open to their vulnerabilities and authenticity. Thank goodness, that tough male exterior is boring and shallow. Not too long ago, men were told that crying is for sissies or girls. In our culture, adult men were not to show emotion under any circumstances (perhaps the only legitimate reason to cry is at a funeral for a close loved one). That really does not do anyone any good. Instead, men were told to have a stiff upper lip, drown their emotions in booze or go off into the woods and shoot something- because avoiding your emotions is an excellent way to manage them. Grumble, grumble.

            Films like Brokeback Mountain, Keanu Reeves in The Lake House and Matt Damon in All the Pretty Horses all show men expressing their emotions without shame. That is fairly new. Sports films are another place where men are allowed to get choked up, all for the love of the team. I wonder if men ever cry in front of other men without the trophy dangling up as emotional bait. It might be an interesting experiment to break down that cultural taboo in your own life. Do you dare?

            It is not just in the movies but in real life too. Yosemite Bear’s Youtube video of the Double rainbow is a perfect example of how one man’s honest emotion galvanized and intrigued many (It has been viewed over 30 million times). I think that people were surprised and touched by a man being so endearingly open with his emotions in viewing nature’s awesome beauty, even if he did sound like a spaced-out stoner.

            However, as we navigate all these new rules and mores, we tread a fine line between emotionally expressive men and being a wet blanket. Some people see crying as an indication of their emotional availability and therefore trustworthiness. That is a good thing. Seeing a man, who cries over small minutiae of life and is not able to keep it together and man up, is not a good thing. So we are all still figuring out the precarious balance.

            In my own life, I have always enjoyed the honesty and closeness that comes when a lover or male friend cries in front of me for the first time. It establishes a certain level of intimacy I think that women crave in their intimate relationships. When one cries, it is all out on the table and there is nowhere to hide. Women are often viewed as being the irrational, expressive pole in the relationship. It feels good to have equality in emotions too.

            In my life outside of writing, I am a holistic healer. I do massage and energy work to help a lot of people find their inner strength with the use of whole food nutrition, massage work and at-home care suggestions. I have seen how toxic emotions, when stored inside the body, contribute to long term debilitating effects that result in real diseases such as heart disease, colon cancer or psoriasis. I have said it once and I will say it a thousand times more, “better out than in”. Allowing men a space to release some of their emotions, without judgment or scorn, will help to make everyone healthier and happier.

            So what do you think? Do you think that crying makes men more or less manly? How do you feel about crying in front of others? What makes you cry?

            Just so you know, when you do cry, I will rub your back and pass you tissues. I promise not to judge.