Men and Emotions - Big Boys Do Cry

          The rules of what is socially acceptable for men and masculinity are radically changing. As such, men are more open to their vulnerabilities and authenticity. Thank goodness, that tough male exterior is boring and shallow. Not too long ago, men were told that crying is for sissies or girls. In our culture, adult men were not to show emotion under any circumstances (perhaps the only legitimate reason to cry is at a funeral for a close loved one). That really does not do anyone any good. Instead, men were told to have a stiff upper lip, drown their emotions in booze or go off into the woods and shoot something- because avoiding your emotions is an excellent way to manage them. Grumble, grumble.

            Films like Brokeback Mountain, Keanu Reeves in The Lake House and Matt Damon in All the Pretty Horses all show men expressing their emotions without shame. That is fairly new. Sports films are another place where men are allowed to get choked up, all for the love of the team. I wonder if men ever cry in front of other men without the trophy dangling up as emotional bait. It might be an interesting experiment to break down that cultural taboo in your own life. Do you dare?

            It is not just in the movies but in real life too. Yosemite Bear’s Youtube video of the Double rainbow is a perfect example of how one man’s honest emotion galvanized and intrigued many (It has been viewed over 30 million times). I think that people were surprised and touched by a man being so endearingly open with his emotions in viewing nature’s awesome beauty, even if he did sound like a spaced-out stoner.

            However, as we navigate all these new rules and mores, we tread a fine line between emotionally expressive men and being a wet blanket. Some people see crying as an indication of their emotional availability and therefore trustworthiness. That is a good thing. Seeing a man, who cries over small minutiae of life and is not able to keep it together and man up, is not a good thing. So we are all still figuring out the precarious balance.

            In my own life, I have always enjoyed the honesty and closeness that comes when a lover or male friend cries in front of me for the first time. It establishes a certain level of intimacy I think that women crave in their intimate relationships. When one cries, it is all out on the table and there is nowhere to hide. Women are often viewed as being the irrational, expressive pole in the relationship. It feels good to have equality in emotions too.

            In my life outside of writing, I am a holistic healer. I do massage and energy work to help a lot of people find their inner strength with the use of whole food nutrition, massage work and at-home care suggestions. I have seen how toxic emotions, when stored inside the body, contribute to long term debilitating effects that result in real diseases such as heart disease, colon cancer or psoriasis. I have said it once and I will say it a thousand times more, “better out than in”. Allowing men a space to release some of their emotions, without judgment or scorn, will help to make everyone healthier and happier.

            So what do you think? Do you think that crying makes men more or less manly? How do you feel about crying in front of others? What makes you cry?

            Just so you know, when you do cry, I will rub your back and pass you tissues. I promise not to judge.